I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
