can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
