He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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