There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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