Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
