Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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