It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
