Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
