Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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