You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
