I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
