Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
