Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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