You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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