Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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