WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, beer. Big fan.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
