i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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