Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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