dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I am morally bankrupt
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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