just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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