I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
