She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
