He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
