This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
there is glitter all over my balls
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
