Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
