I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
