I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
