Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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