I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
