he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need to sanitize my soul.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
