Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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