I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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