Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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