Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
