You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
