He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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