Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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