They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
