Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
