I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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