why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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