I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
