Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
