My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
