I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
