You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The power of my boobs compel you
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
