Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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