If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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