Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
