Jerry, you need to find god
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
two words: eviction party
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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