Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
