So drunk its hurt
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
