so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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