Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
