Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
