You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
