You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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