if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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