I think scott just propositioned me for sex
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
