Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
