she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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