You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I die, sorry about rent.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
