Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize