I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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