I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize