I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
