Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
