thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
