Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
