So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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