I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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