omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
