Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize