We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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