Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
